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Basingstoke Bison Ladies Ice Hockey Team

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the secret code of a hockey coach

players beware this is what coaches really think!

Code: she's a role player.
Translation: We think she can play a role, we just haven't figure out what that role is yet.

Code: she's a "character" girl.
Translation: she makes us laugh, she tells jokes and does impressions.

Code: she's good in the locker room.
Translation: We should leave her in the locker room because she's useless on the ice.

Code:she brings intangibles.
Translation: We're not sure what she brings to the team.

Code: she's a competitor.
Translation: she competes every night, she just doesn't win very often.

Code:she's gritty.
Translation: she needs a bath.

Code: she's hard-nosed.
Translation: she's dumb enough to lead with her face.

Code: she gives us a physical presence.
Translation: she takes up space.

Code: she's a technically-sound goalie.
Translation: her reflexes are lousy.

Code: she's a reflex goalie.
Translation: she hasn't got a clue on how to play the angles.

Code: she's a power-play specialist.
Translation: I like having an extra player out there to cover her screw-ups.

Code: she's a stay-at-home defenceman.
Translation: she can't skate and carry the puck at the same time.

Code: she's an offensive defenceman.
Translation: she can't play defence.

Code: she adds toughness.
Translation: she's in for two shifts a night and she start fights on both of them.

Code: she's an all-round player.
Translation: she doesn't do anything particularly well.

Code: she's feisty.
Translation:she chirps at the opposition and takes dumb penalties at crucial times.

Code: she's got experience.
Translation: she's lost with better teams.

Code: she has a tremendous upside.
Translation: she can't get any worse.

Code: she's a "project".
Translation: This women was abandoned in the jungle as a small girl and taught to play hockey by a family of gorillas who adopted her...... And I'm supposed to coach this?

Code: she's a grinder.
Translation: It's 50-50 that she'll miss an empty net from three feet away.

Code: she's got good work ethic.
Translation:she works hard but accomplishes little.

Code: she's a playmaker.
Translation: she has to pass, because she shoots like my grandmother.

Code: We've got good chemistry.
Translation: We may be lousy, but we all get along.

Code: We're rebuilding.
Translation: We sucked this year, and we probably will the year after as well.

Code: We're shaking up the lines to add offense.
Translation: I'm pulling names out of a hat and hoping it works.

Code: We're letting her see the game from above so she can learn.
Translation: she annoyed me so much the last game she played, I want her as far away from me as possible.

Code: We only had a few bright spots tonight.
Translation: I just watched my career as a coach go right down the drain.

Code: Things are starting to turning around for us now.
Translation: We don't suck as much as before, and I can almost keep my dinner down watching these losers play.

Code: she's our star player.
Translation: At last someone that can actually play hockey.

Code: We played undisciplined hockey.
Translation: The ref sucked tonight.

Code: We were not as good as we should have been.
Translation: How can these high school dropouts get paid millions for the stuff that they spewed on the ice tonight?

Code: We need to work harder.
Translation: No all night benders the night before.

Code: I am in the best shape of my career.
Translation: Oh my god,............... I have no trade clause in my contract.